Script For A Jester's Tears
Tuesday, July 29, 2008 (14:14:37)

Posted by Conx

She was one of the innocent casualties of my split from God. In fact, she was the most innocent of all until I shattered her glorious naivety in 1982.

She didn't deserve the thing I did to her. She trusted me and I let her down bigtime. I was 17 - she was younger but we were making it work. Until I destroyed everything. My life was falling to pieces and I hit out at the two things left in my life that were holding it together; God and Ruth. I cut the anchor chains and drifted away from my past life.

Life moves on. As often happens, memories fade and wounds close to some extent.

And then, one night in 1985, I listened to a song called "Kayleigh" by Marillion. And the wounds that I thought were closed forever were ripped open. The full enormity of what I did hit me and I wept. I was driving down life's highway only to find someone had built a wall across it.

When I was searching for the lyrics to "Kayleigh" on the web before I started to write this, I came across a definition of the name Kayleigh.

"Beautiful girl who doesn't want to grow up".

I forced you to grow up Ruth. I dragged you out of Neverland. I hope I didn't damage your life too much. Please forgive me - then maybe, after all these years, I can start to forgive myself.

Conx

Kayleigh - Marillion (Misplaced Childhood 1985)

Do you remember, chalk hearts melting on a playground wall?
Do you remember, dawn escapes from moonwashed college halls?
Do you remember, cherry blossom in the market square?
Do you remember, I thought it was confetti in our hair?
By the way, didn't I break your heart?
Please excuse me, I never meant to break your heart
So sorry, I never meant to break your heart
But you broke mine

Kayleigh is it too late to say I'm sorry?
And Kayleigh could we get it together again?
I can't go on pretending that it came to a natural end
Kayleigh I never thought I'd miss you
And Kayleigh I hoped that we'd always be friends
We said our love would last forever
So how did it come to this bitter end?

Do you remember, barefoot on the lawn with shooting stars?
Do you remember, loving on the floor in Belsize Park?
Do you remember, dancing in stilletos in the snow?
Do you remember, you never understood I had to go?
By the way, didn't I break your heart?
Please excuse me I never meant to break your heart
So sorry, I never meant to break your heart
But you broke mine

Kayleigh, I just want to say I'm sorry
But Kayleigh I'm too scared to pick up the phone
To hear you've found another lover to patch up our broken home
Kayleigh, I'm still trying to write that love song
Kayleigh it's more important to me now you're gone
Maybe it'll prove that we were right
Or it will prove that I was wrong