Lazarus was just a cat but he liked me. Not many cats like anyone let alone me. Of all the people in the family, Lazarus decided to like me. No, he LOVED me. He would climb up my chest and rub his nose against mine. We called them "nose nooshies" and he loved giving them. When I came home from work at night, Laz would hear my voice and start complaining until I would go in, say "hi" and receive the evening nose nooshies. If I failed to answer the call, Laz would jump the child gate and risk detection by the dogs to come and find me. Watching television? Laz was there. Eating popcorn? Yep! Napping on the sofa, he would sprawl on my chest and nap with me. We were buddies and everyone knew it.

Mom fed him but he Loved dad. Mom cleaned his litter box, but dad was special.

Lazarus got his name because we found him as a kitten, nigh unto death. My wife has a wonderful gift of being able to nurse living things back to health. We did not think Lazarus would make it, so when he recovered, my wife bestowed the appropriate moniker on him.

Taco, my wife's cat, became very sick and we took him to the vet. They determined that he had Feline Leukemia and was dying. There was nothing they could do. We had to have him put to sleep. I mourned with my wife when he died. It was so hard to watch my wife in pain. It hurts when you see a loved one in pain.

Feline Leukemia is very contagious to cats and is ultimately fatal. Daisy and Lazarus would have to be tested. Daisy's test came back negative. Now it was Lazarus' turn. His test came back a strong positive. We do not know how the cat's contracted the disease, but Lazarus would have to be put to sleep to protect the other cats. My wife mourns with me. It hurts to see a loved one in pain...

Lazarus was just a cat, not a brother, sister or parent. He was just a cat, but he loved me. How are you supposed to be strong for others when your heart is broken? How are you supposed to get things done when you just want to sit and stare? I don't know.

We keep plodding along and somehow make it through tough times. The mind, heart and soul are resilient. They seem to be able to take more pain than we imagine. We don't like to think so, but we can handle more than we want to. It never gets easier.

I remember when I was going through the toughest time in my entire life. One wave of pain after another washed over me. It seemed it would never stop. Things got so bad, I stopped praying for strength and began praying for mercy. I did not think I could bear one more heartache. I was not on my knees, I was on my face. Should I stop feeling so I could not be hurt again? That possibility crossed my mind more than once. It was indeed tempting. I was tired of being hurt.

Not feeling anything would at least protect me from being hurt again. Should I go absolutely mad? Could I get in my car and drive into the sunset? How far can you run before there is no more pain? I made a conscious decision to remain vulnerable. It was one of the hardest decisions I have ever made. I knew I could and would be hurt again someday, but I would rather know the love I had lost than never know the love I had lost at all. Do you know what I mean? After a long season, the wailing time passed away and the blackest night began to show signs of daylight. That was many years ago and I can say that my decision was worth it. Had I not remained vulnerable, I would have never met my wife. I would have missed out on the joys and pain of watching our children grow up. I would never have loved Lazarus. He was just a cat, but he loved me and I loved him. I am glad I can feel. It isn't always pleasant, but it is always worth all that I go through. It'll be okay soon. I know it will.

Psalms 30:5 "...weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning."

- Rod All contents Copyright (c) Rod
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Here is a reply that we received.

Anyone who has ever lived in a family with cats realizes that we don't have cats, cats have people. Lazarus wasn't your cat, you were his person. You obviously know that.

I have a cat; Mai Tai. Don't ask, Mom named him 17 years ago. And of course, I've come to grips with the fact that Mai Tai actually has me. He walks around the house yelling at the top of his lungs. Gets even louder when he gets on the hardwood floors and can hear himself yowl. He LOVES to hear himself. People talking to me on the phone think I have a baby (very handy when talking to tele-marketers). People who do know me say "hi Mai Tai." They ask me if he does that all the time. My response: "No. Only when he's awake." He's also quiet when he's sitting with his person. Or any person who might pay attention to him. He's kinda promiscuous in a feline kind of way. He'll sit through a whole movie with you. Especially if you have a beer or a glass of wine. He's quite a lush as well.

He can't have any alcohol though. His kidney's are only functioning at about 50%. He almost died about 10 years ago. Ate a poinsettia plant. Now I have to make sure he has water and his cat box readily available to him at all times, at all costs. He's worth it. I'm his person. You can't take that lightly.

Last winter, while in the middle of a divorce, and being unemployed for nearly 6 months, and having recently lost a good deal of my health, I came home to find Mai Tai laying on the floor just quietly meowing. The dogs (2 of them weighing over 110 lbs combined) had been licking him. I was worried at first, when I saw that the other animals knew he was sick too, I was frantic. My personal mantra, my constantly repeated prayer to God to that point had been a request for wisdom and strength. In that order. At that moment, seeing my best friend of 16 years, the only friend who I knew would always be there for me that sick, I prayed for mercy. The first and last time since then I asked God "why me?" Had no more strength to deal with this as an "adult." I wept.

And I probably did have the strength to get through that too, but fortunately it was just a little divine slap in the face I think. He was severely dehydrated. Apparently fairly common for older boy cats. He's fine now. Louder than fire truck some days I think. But his days are certainly numbered. And I will miss him when his last day ends. I mourn now just to get some of it out of the way.

My point? You do not mourn alone. I shed a tear for Lazarus, and for you, and for the love I have for Mai Tai. But the only reason we mourn for those who have passed is because we felt SO much joy, and happiness, and love, and comfort, and pleasure from them while they were here. All that? Worth a dozen deaths. A few days, even weeks of true sorrow, is to me, a small price to pay for years of happiness and a life time of wonderful memories.

And if you see me today with a snuffly nose and runny eyes? Don't ask... it's just allergies...

I assume you'll have a pretty bad allergy day today too. But those days pass.

- Nate

• Topic: Devotionals

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